Thursday, April 24, 2014

"U" is for Underwater


My first attempt at a drabble. A drabble being a story or a piece of prose done in 100 words. 

I've enjoyed reading both Colin's and L.G.'s drabbles throughout the A to Z Challenge and decided to try writing one of my own.

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Pulled under into shallow waters she struggled against the pain in her throat. She couldn't breathe and her vision blurred. She started to struggle catching the unwanted attention of Others. Instead of help she received disapproving looks. How could she pretend to drown in a pool she could easily stand in?

"It's ridiculous!" he said. "She has everything she needs."

"Attention whore!" she scoffed, "She has nothing better to do."

"She'll get over it." they say before turning away. "It's a phase."


Struggling to the top. Taking jagged breaths before falling under again.

They never understood. That her legs had broken.




13 comments:

  1. Hi Cely - well that was not what I was expecting .. poor woman - great drabble .. conjures up all kinds of horrors ... Underwater .. not nice! Cheers Hilary

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    1. Thank you so much Hilary. I appreciate it. =)

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  2. This is very good, Cely. That last line was unexpected, and a great punch at the end. I'm impressed--even more so knowing English isn't your first language. I have a couple of writer friends whose native languages are not English, and yet they write novels in English. That takes a lot of courage, and a good knowledge of the language--both of which these people have. I think you do, too. :)

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    1. Thank you so much Colin! And actually I must admit that my English writing is slightly better than my Spanish works. I practically grew up in the States so that probably has something to do with it. =)

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  3. That had such a punch at the end.

    Damyanti, Co-host A to Z Challenge April 2014, My Latest post

    Twitter: @AprilA2Z
    #atozchallenge

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  4. This is a great drabble! The last line was perfect, and you used great description throughout. Well done! Thanks for the shout out!

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    1. Thank you so much! And the shout out seemed only right since I had never heard of a drabble till I saw your posts. =)

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  5. Wonderful drabble! I've never heard of that term before, but you nailed it. Great piece of writing.

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    1. Thank you so much for commenting and visiting! I'm glad you enjoyed the drabble.

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  6. Dramatic story. Tragic end for the girl.

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  7. Great punchline. Now you're making me feel like trying a drabble!

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    1. Thank you! You really should try a drabble they are actually really fun to work with. =)

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